Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
