FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
