She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
