I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
