I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
