making cat noises will not fix the situation.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
