I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
