After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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