Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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