i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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