i don't like sucking hair
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
