he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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