Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
