dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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