I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Congratulations! We have a period
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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