You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
