i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
