Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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