I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if only i could text you this smell
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
