he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
