why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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