There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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