You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
