he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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