people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
