I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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