Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
