You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sorry my hands just texted you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
