Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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