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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands

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• (914): View more from New York

  Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.

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• (310): View more from California

  Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck

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