There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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