at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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