i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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