buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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