he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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