We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
