Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
