thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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