There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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