Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
