I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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