tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
