Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my poor anus
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
