hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there's paper in my vomit.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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