Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
