This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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