my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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