New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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