Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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