I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
