Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
