Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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